How To Write About Americans

When writing about America there's a couple things you need to do to ensure your writing is successful. First, you need to remember that America is large country and therefore its essential that you generalize all your ideas and view all the people as the same. Who cares that there's fifty states I mean they're all pretty much the same anyway right? It's important to ignore the varying cultures as there's no way you could possibly write about the culture of Hawaii and Texas in the same article. Its better if you just treat everything as a general "America".

If you feel like including an image, try and find a picture of the most obese couple you can find. It's a bonus if they're wearing unfashionable clothes and obnoxious white sneakers.

Now you need to highlight one of the main aspects of American culture: obesity. If you hadn't noticed, everyone in America is obese. Everyone.  If someone isn't obese yet they're definitely on their way, gaining a pound with every bite they take from their BigMac. Ah yes, the glorious BigMac. You need to emphasize the way in which Americans treat any McDonald's as a shrine to God. It's good if you describe in depth the way that those golden arches make any Americans eyes instantly light up with desire and cravings which are never satisfied.

The Redneck is the only type of American and any character variation besides this must be ignored because there's no way a country as small as the United States could have variety among the population. Now, if your story takes place anywhere remotely southern then your character must be a redneck. When writing dialogue for the redneck, you can never use the word "Y'all" too much. Of course, your redneck needs something to drive on all those country back roads so they should own at least one pickup truck, if not two. Now The Redneck idolizes one thing above all others: freedom. If your character ever feels that their freedom is being violated then they have the right to respond with an argument that makes absolutely no sense. Who cares about the increasing homicide rate? Your character deserves a gun and nothing will stop them from exercising their Second Amendment. How can you expect your character to hunt or defend his freedom without a gun? The Redneck is almost always uneducated but it's important to remember that this isn't their fault. There's no way they could go to school when they had to spend all their time working on the family farm. However, when working on a farm all day your character tends to use a lot of energy so it's important that they maintain a healthy and balanced diet of beer and more beer as this will provide them the energy they need during the day.

The final thing to remember when writing about Americans is their national pride. In America every day is the 4th of July and if your character isn't flying the American flag how can you be absolutely sure they're even American? They should also sing the national anthem every day as this shows the pride and dedication to their country. If you follow all of these tips then you should end up with a true American.